HOW DO WE FORGIVE OR MOVE TOWARD FORGIVENESS?

I have often gotten stuck in this. In the past, when I had been injured or hurt by someone, I felt justified in wanting an apology.  I believe we all do when we get hurt. But the part that created the “stuck” unfree feeling lied with the expectations I placed on the actual apology happening. When the apology did not occur, I felt bitter. I felt disappointed. I felt let down. I spent too much energy holding onto resentment, my inner grudge, which created its own mess. I spun out a million and one stories on why a person should apologize and why I shouldn’t have to forgive them.

But I had an ah ha moment. Forgiveness does not imply you are condoning or overlooking a behavior. Forgiveness comes with boundaries. My personal boundaries inform me “what is ok and what is not ok.” For example, cheating in a relationship is not ok with me and if my partner cheats, then I have a choice: to either preserve the sanctity of my boundaries or not.  But how do we move toward forgiveness in this “not ok, crossed my boundaries” place?

Forgiveness is being able to let go of the idea that the past could have been any different. It is not being held hostage by a past moment you cannot ever change.  So, if my partner cheated, it is not ever going to be any different. Forgiving simply means that you give yourself permission to know and accept that what has been done has been done. Acceptance does mean liking or disliking a behavior. It means accepting something was done that cannot change.

Holding onto to a past moment takes a lot of energy and inner resources that expend your attention on something that can never be any different. If you are holding a grudge, the truth is that the grudge is holding you.

And believe me, it can be challenging to bypass revenge fantasies, blame, or punishment. But these are all ego driven perceptions. These energies carry low frequencies and low vibrations. They do not elevate your Soul or move you to freedom.

If we are to shift towards mature spiritual healing, and elevate, then we have to learn how to move from a more inspired place rather than the lower frequencies, vibrations, or energies of the ego. It is so easy to simmer and stew in our self-righteousness, our desire to be right and judge. But if we do, then we are missing our moment because life does not wait. If you can’t step toward forgiving someone, can you step towards the idea of forgiveness? Life changes on dime and we only have one moment, this moment. What will you choose in this moment?